FOR SALE
Gently Used Wildwood Beach Wagon
Excellent condition. Pulled exactly one family, six chairs, three boogie boards, two coolers, one inflatable shark, and approximately fourteen emotional breakdowns across the beach.
Warning: may pull slightly left.
FOR SALE
Boardwalk Pizza Debate Starter Kit
Includes:
• one slice from Mack’s
• one slice from Sam’s
• napkins
• emergency mediation whistle
Buyer assumes responsibility for family arguments.
SERVICES
Professional Wildwood Beach Trek Sherpa
Tired of carrying coolers across twelve miles of sand?*
(*actual distance may be slightly exaggerated)
We transport:
• chairs
• umbrellas
• coolers
• toddlers
• existential exhaustion
Camels pending availability.
SERVICES
Lost Child / Lost Parent Reunion Services
Did your child disappear into an arcade?
Did your dad wander off toward skeeball in 1998?
We’ll help reconnect separated beach species.
Reward snacks accepted.
HELP WANTED
Morey’s Pier Scream Tester
Seeking enthusiastic applicants capable of riding rollercoasters repeatedly while evaluating scream quality.
Requirements:
• functioning lungs
• questionable judgment
• willingness to yell: “LET’S GO AGAIN!”
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Attention Boardwalk Visitors:
Please remember that stopping suddenly in the middle of foot traffic to decide between funnel cake, pizza, fries, ice cream, frozen custard, saltwater taffy, or lemonade creates dangerous beach congestion.
Make your delicious decisions responsibly.
LOST & FOUND
FOUND:
One flip-flop discovered beneath the Giant Ferris Wheel.
Appears confused.
Smells faintly of sunscreen and funnel cake.
LOST
Lost:
One husband named Dave.
Last seen saying:
“I’m just gonna go win that giant stuffed banana.”
Has now been missing for three hours.
Family believes he may still be spending money at carnival games.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Please do not attempt to race the tram car.
The tram car has been doing this longer than you.
“Watch the tram car, please…” 🚋🍕🎢✨
🚨 LOST & FOUND 🚨
- LOST: Remaining Shred of Dignity – Last seen near the Great Nor’Easter on Surfside Pier Coastin’ By The Ocean | Morey’s Piers. It fell out of my pocket somewhere near the first inversion. If found, please keep it. I don’t want it back.
🚨 LOST & FOUND 🚨
- FOUND: One (1) Single Flip-Flop – Found on the 2.5-mile boardwalk at 2 A.M. Wildwoods Attractions | Fun Things To Do In The The Wildwoods. Size 11, slightly melted from hot funnel cake grease. Contact me if your left foot is lonely.
- WANTED: Professional “Tram Car Please” Voice Actor – Must be able to mimic the iconic, soothing-yet-menacing monotone recording of the tram cars 44 Wildwoods NJ ideas. I need a customized wake-up alarm to yell at my roommates to get out of the bathroom.
- WANTED: Industrial-Strength Saltwater Taffy Scraper – Looking for a heavy-duty dental tool to remove the 4 pounds of Fralinger’s taffy currently fused to my molars.
- WANTED: Beach Towel The Size of Rhode Island – Need an oversized towel to walk from the boardwalk to the actual ocean in Wildwood Crest What are some fun activities to do in the Wildwoods, NJ area?. Willing to trade for a gently used boogie board.
✨ SERVICES
- OFFERED: Professional Boardwalk Dodging – I will walk ahead of you and expertly weave through families of 8 blocking the entire walkway, errant seagulls, and out-of-control surrey carts Take a surrey cart ride along Wildwood Crest. $15/hr, tips appreciated.
✨ SERVICES
- OFFERED: Authentic “Doo Wop” T-Shirt Distressing – Did you just buy a brand new neon Wildwood shirt? Fun & Free Ways to Experience the Wildwoods, NJ Bring it to me and I will personally spill funnel cake powder, salt spray, and pizza grease on it so you look like a seasoned local.
🛋️ FOR RENT
- FOR RENT: Oceanfront luxury “Tent” – Pitch your tent in the vast sands of Wildwood for free Your 2026 Summer Guide – Coastal Collection – Wildwood NJ. Note: the “beach” is 10 miles wide, so bring a camel to trek to the water.
🚗 AUTO
- TRADING: 2024 Surrey Cart for 1950s Pink Cadillac – Trying to upgrade my ride on the boards. Will trade my pedal-powered 4-seater for something with actual horsepower and A/C.
FOR SALE: Neon Green Tramcar Audio Box.
Slightly used. Only plays “Watch the tramcar, please” on an infinite loop. Perfect for heavy sleepers, clearing a room, or keeping children out of the kitchen. Batteries not included, but nostalgia is. Best offer or trade for a giant bucket of boardwalk fries.
WANTED: Time Machine (Must target 1960).
Local retro enthusiast seeking a working time machine to go back and dance the Twist at the Starlight Ballroom. Will accept a vintage neon sign that glows bright enough to warp space-time. Must fit in the back of a station wagon.
🍦 Services
PROFESSIONAL SAND REMOVER
Did you look at the Wildwood beach and realize it is a three-mile hike to the water? Don’t drag the Atlantic back to your hotel. I will professionally blow, brush, and banish every single grain of sand from your flip-flops, towels, and car floor mats using a specialized, state-of-the-art leaf blower. Rates vary by level of sunburn.
🍦 Services
BOARDWALK SEAGULL NEGOTIATOR
Are your fresh pizza slices and funnel cakes under constant aerial threat? Hire me to walk beside you. I will maintain intense eye contact with local gulls, deploy defensive umbrella maneuvers, and decoy them with cheap popcorn while you enjoy your meal in peace.
🏠 Housing / Roommates
ROOMMATE WANTED: 1950s Doo-Wop Motel Suite.
Seeking a roommate to split a classic plastic-flamingo-vibe retro room for the summer. Must love pastel architecture, tailfins, and mid-century modern furniture. Dealbreaker: You cannot complain about the neon light shining through the window all night. It adds character.