There are mall dads…
And then there is Ravi, the man who has ascended to a higher plane of shopping-day survival.
This photo captures him in Stage 4 Mall Dad Enlightenment, which researchers describe as:
“The moment a man’s body remains at the mall,
but his soul quietly leaves to sit in a parked car somewhere.”
THE LEGEND OF RAVI
Ravi showed up this morning with one mission:
“Help however I can.”
By noon, that mission had evolved into:
“Hold the stroller and try not to pass out.”
And by 2:15 PM, as seen here, Ravi had reached the sacred level known only to veteran fathers:
Balanced Lean Position
(™ pending patent)
One knee crossed, hip against the railing,
phone out, stroller anchored with one hand,
and the expression of a man silently whispering:
“I can do hard things.”
THE CONTENTS OF THE STROLLER
Under the butterfly blanket?
Approximately 487 pounds of:
- jackets
- receipts
- impulse buys
- snacks nobody wanted
- one rogue ornament
- possibly a feral Build-A-Bear
- and a baby who has been asleep since the Carter administration
Meanwhile, Baby Princess Napalot is resting like a Greek goddess, blissfully unaware that her father is fighting for his life in the soft-pretzel-scented trenches of King of Prussia Mall.
RAVI’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE
“Is my family coming back?
Should I text them?
No, no… they said five minutes.
…That was 40 minutes ago.”
“Should I get a pretzel?
No, they’ll be back any second.
…I should’ve gotten the pretzel.”
“My legs hurt.
My ribs hurt.
I think this railing is absorbing my life force.”
“Why is that giant light-up deer following me?
Is it judging me?”
(Yes Ravi. Yes it is.)
**MEANWHILE…
THE PARTNER AND FAMILY ARE SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE A STORE SAYING:**
“Where did Dad go?”
“He’s fine. He’s leaning somewhere.”